I am a big disappointment.

I'm lazy, selfish, scared to try and i'm unforgiving.

When will i live for God's love? He's the one who set me free from my sins and came to me when i was so burdened with the effects of my sins and others. When will His will burden my heart and when will i surrender?

am i an instrument that is too scared to join His song? what if i break, or am overplayed or i don't sound right? all of these questions of what if's tire me out more than getting only a few hours of sleep.

i am such a terrible sinner, who deserves hell. but the fact that i am still breathing... that i'm healthy and that i have good foundation from my parents hard work that i'm here doing what i want when the time spent should be dedicated to bringing glory to God.

i hope that i can start changing in time, before it's too late.

what will i say in front of His presence? when His eyes burn into my soul and i stand there totally guilty and dependent of His mercy and Christ's knowledge of His relationship with me.