Ever since I could remember, i've always known the church. i used to go to Sunday service with my mom, taking the bus, or driving, or walking, in my polished shoes and flower printed, ruffled, laced dress. I remembered feeling lonely in the church, because I had no friends, or didn't know how much God loved me. So i remember going on this retreat. I made one friend on the bus... and i felt so loved, cherished and protected. Praise God! i was prayed for and felt this wonder of God's love and protection over me. This one activity, where i wrote down all of my faults and worries on a piece of paper, stayed with me even to this day... because I remember keeping this paper to myself... and throwing it into a huge camp fire. Seeing the sparks rising up to the sky and vanishing was so cathartic and i felt the peace of God's hand on my heart. this feeling, through my sin of staying away from the gospel, didn't last long.
Later I would realize that i tried filling this hole in my spirit that only God could reach.
Now I'm 20. where have the years gone? and how fast will my body be returned to the ground?
My heart is beating without rest, and sooner or later, it's going to stop.
I'm scared that I have nothing to show to God. With all of the blessings He has given me and gifts He equipped me with, I have not shown Him the glory that He deserves. i am awed by His mercy and patience with my soul. i deserve nothing, yet He continues to give and provide.
May He shape me into the person that will carry out His will.
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